A good team building session can create what I call the pop.

You’ve felt it. That moment in a workshop when something shifts. When someone says something honest and the room exhales. When you realize that the person across the table from you — the one whose communication style has been driving you quietly crazy for months — isn’t difficult. They’re just different. And different isn’t wrong.

The pop is a felt experience. A moment of hope. A glimpse of what this team could be if things were just a little more like this. A flash of belonging. Of being understood. Of mattering in the room.

That is real. That matters. And a well-designed team building experience — a great facilitator, a meaningful assessment, a carefully structured day — can absolutely create it.

Here is what I know after twenty years of sitting with teams in that moment.
The pop is not trust.

It is a preview of trust. A momentary experience of what trust feels like. And that preview is valuable — it gives people something to orient toward, a felt sense of what’s possible. But it is not the thing itself.

Trust requires telling the truth.

A team building workshop can reveal something safe — your communication style, how you make decisions, what your triggers might be, how you like to work. That’s valuable information. But it doesn’t go anywhere near the conversations that actually build trust.

The conversation where someone says: I’m disappointed. I feel overlooked. I didn’t get what I needed from you. I know I haven’t given you what you needed from me.

Those conversations don’t happen in a one-day workshop. And they shouldn’t — because the safety required to have them honestly doesn’t exist yet. That safety has to be built. Carefully. Over time. With support.

I have watched this pattern play out more times than I can count.

A team has a retreat. Something opens up. People feel seen. There’s energy, connection, a sense that things are going to be different. And then everyone goes back to work

And within days — sometimes hours — the team snaps back. Like a rubber band returning to its original shape. The old patterns reassert themselves. The friction resumes. The avoidance returns. The same conversations that were happening before the retreat start happening again.

This is not a failure of the facilitator or the team. It is simply what happens when the conditions that created the opening don’t continue.

The pop opened a door. But nobody walked through it. Because walking through it — and staying through it — requires something a single day cannot provide.

I want to be clear about something: I am not arguing against team building days. A cooking competition, a boat cruise, a values workshop, a personality assessment facilitation — these are all good. They serve a real purpose. They build familiarity, goodwill, and a shared language. They create the pop. And the pop matters.

What I am arguing for is clarity. Honest, specific clarity about what you are actually trying to achieve — and whether the thing you’re planning is capable of achieving it.

If you want your team to have a meaningful shared experience that builds goodwill and creates a moment of connection — a well-designed team building day will do that beautifully. That’s a legitimate and valuable goal. Invest in it.

If you want your team to actually trust each other — to be able to tell each other the truth, to navigate real conflict, to bring their full capability to the work without performing or protecting — that is a different goal entirely. And it requires a different kind of investment.

Before you plan your next team event — ask yourself one question.

What do you most want to be different about how this team works together — six months from now?

The answer to that question will tell you exactly what kind of engagement actually serves them.