Falling Into Freedom

Recently, I was having lunch with a former coaching client. She was sharing some major trials and tribulations of this past year, including a sister’s grave cancer journey, the accidental death of her father, and a re-org that resulted in the elimination of her executive level position at the large tech company I coached her at over ten years ago. You would think this lunch conversation was a big downer, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. My admiration for this woman and her resiliency was reinforced, and I left lunch both grateful and inspired.

The good news is that her sister’s cancer is in remission, her family is closer than ever, and she wisely acted just ahead of the layoff announcement, which resulted in a new position at the same company she has served for over 20 years. That is all good news, but what inspired me was hearing about her journey and the resulting relief, clarity, and joy of being in her new role, which she was essentially forced to pursue.

The truth is that she had been working for a toxic leader in a toxic team, doing uninspiring work for many years. Like so many of us experience, the handcuffs of status, money, tenure, risk-avoidance, and the imagined security of a company, person, retirement plan, or material trappings held her captive.

When the inescapable threat of a layoff became clear, survival instinct kicked in and that created an opening to new possibilities that were previously unseeable. A colleague mentioned an opportunity with a different organization, and she not only heard it, but took active steps to explore it. Even though the role and the division was completely new to her, she simply “followed the energy”. (One of my coaching mantras.) That lead her to meeting her future manager and some members of the team, while she learned more about the organization, its mission, and the role. She also learned that the role required a seniority level reduction, which would also impact her compensation package.

What she didn’t expect, and didn’t even realize she was missing, was the connection, alignment, and excitement that rose in her as she continued exploring this unexpected opportunity. When presented with an offer, she whole-heartedly accepted and just 3 months in, is happier and more fulfilled than she has been in years.

As our lunch conversation continued, my listening focused on her words and revelations, as they resonated with me and described the experience that so many clients, colleagues, and friends face too. Here is what I heard…

• I don’t know why I stayed in that situation for so long.
• It was so stressful and I knew it wasn’t going to change.
• I did what was necessary to maintain the status quo.
• I settled for work that underutilized my strengths and experience because I was afraid of the unknown and what I might lose.
• I stayed because I thought it was easier and safer than change.
• Today, I work with people I like and enjoy.
• My new boss is probably the best manager I’ve ever had.
• I’m learning and growing again.
• I’m energized, contributing my best, and providing value every day.
• I’m appreciated for my work and contributions.
• My health, family, and life balance are so much better and there is no price tag for that.

As we were saying our goodbyes, this eloquent woman reminded me of a coaching assignment I had apparently given her many years before. She said it was so impactful that she has shared it with many of her own employees and friends in the years since. Here it is:

• Get a journal (paper or electronic)
• At the end of each day for a week, write down who and what was energy filling and write down who and what was energy draining.
• Then look back over the past month and do the same thing.
• Then look back over the last year and do the same thing.
• Then look back over the last five years and do the same thing.

The insights may not bring about immediate change. But the insights can never again be unknown, and they will patiently whisper and wait. I plan to get a journal and take on this assignment myself as life transitions await.

Looking out the window, I see a quote that found me many years ago, but that I look past most of the time. It was true then, and it is even truer today:

“Wisdom is knowing the right path to take. Integrity is taking it.”  

Often, living in our integrity requires deep courage and trust in ourselves to act on what we know. The good news is that we don’t have to do it alone and we can find our inspiration in others that lead the way.